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7 Sex Mistakes Men Make

Men may turn on like a light, but for women, arousal doesn’t happen so fast, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD.

Pave the way during the day by hugging, kissing, and holding hands. Have some fun together, and show you appreciate her.

Feeling safe and secure in the relationship is key for a woman to really let loose during sex, Kerner says. A long hug can go further than you’d think. “Hugging for 30 seconds stimulates oxytocin, the hormone in women that creates [a] sense of connection and trust.”

Mistake 2: Assume You Know What She Wants

“Just as many women are faking orgasm today as 20 or 30 years ago,” Kerner says. So, if she’s not enjoying herself, you might not know it.

Don't be afraid to ask questions like “How does this feel?” or “Do you want something different?”

In other words, ask for directions.

Mistake 3: Stick to Your Plan

Don't think that "if it worked the first three times, it will work the next three times," says sex therapist Sari Cooper, LCSW.

What turns her on may depend on her mood, and where she is in her monthly cycle. “Perhaps her nipples are more sensitive or her genitals are less tingly,” Cooper adds.

Pay attention to your partner, says psychologist Lonnie Barbach, PhD. “Try different things and see how she responds.”

When you find something that works, linger on it. Women often complain that men move on to the next thing just as they really start to enjoy an activity.

Mistake 4: Keep It Strictly Physical

Expand your idea of foreplay. Some men "focus on physical stimulation and often ignore mental stimulation,” Kerner says.

While men get stirred up by what they see, “women fantasize a lot during sex as part of [the] process of arousal.” Join in -- share a fantasy or a sexy memory.

7 real reasons some guys can't orgasm

1. He's super drunk. Whiskey dick is real.On the one hand, you're pretty much guaranteed that he's going to last long enough. But, on the other hand, he's going to last forever. If he's so drunk, he's slurring his speech and falling asleep, he might not be able to perform. But it isn't always that obvious. He doesn't have to be drunk out of his mind to have the alcohol affect his penis. He'll have to sleep it off.

2. He's stressed. Stress can be a major boner killer. And it's not exactly something twentysomething guys think to look out for. But if he's had a rough few weeks at home, or he's dealing with major issues, it can absolutely affect his performance. He could even be freaked out about the performance itself. Maybe he's so worried about impressing you he basically gave himself the sex yips. In cases like these, just try and get him to relax, and take it easy.

3. He's got a pre-existing medical condition he isn't volunteering. There are obvious conditions, like a history of erectile dysfunction*, but a variety of other conditions can impact his penis: heart disease, diabetes, MS. Even certain surgeries can wind up affecting his ability to get erections. There's no immediate solution here without getting a doctor involved.

*It's important to note that erectile dysfunction isn't a problem in and of itself. That is, you don't just "get" erectile dysfunction. A variety of other issues can lead to it, but it doesn't just happen on its own.

4. He, uh, prepped for this a little too hard. He could've been really nervous and masturbated a few times beforehand to make sure he'd have some stamina. But unfortunately, he left nothing in the tank. His plan backfired, and now his penis has nothing left.

5. He's holding off to show off. This guy just thinks you're into it. When you can't have anymore orgasms (or you just have other things to do), let him know you want him to come. If that still doesn't do the trick, be more firm about it. If he still thinks he's a sex god for breaking records even if you're not into it anymore, tell him he has five minutes to come or you're leaving.

6. His penis has very specific needs. Penises, just like people, are creatures of habit. If he masturbates a certain way, or at a specific speed, his penis could be so used to it that it's not finding what you're doing as stimulating (it's commonly referred to as a "death grip"). Either he grips his penis way too tight or at an angle, or stimulates the head of his penis in a way a vagina never could.

It's also possible he's just gotten used to certain positions or angles in much the same way. In these instances, he needs to dial it way down on the jerking off when you aren't around. Or, you can just swap to his favourite position when it's time.

7. He's on new meds. If he recently switched medications for whatever reason, and he swears he's never had this problem before, there's a good chance this is the culprit. There are countless medications with countless side effects, and having trouble with erections is a pretty common one. Even if he's positive his new meds are the reason behind his performance issues, he should talk to a doctor before changing over or stopping his usage. His overall health should come before his orgasm. And, of course, even over the counter medicine can affect him down there.

10 tiny things he hopes you don't notice him doing during sex

He's really hoping you didn't hear that weird moan, because if you did, you'd never have sex with him again.1. When he wipes some snot off his nose. Missionary is a terrible time for his nose to be running. The only thing worse than getting caught rubbing snot onto his arm is having his snot drip onto you. He's going to try and do it while you eyes are closed. If you're one of those people who loves eye-contact during sex, though, well ... get ready to get snot drip-fed to you.

2. When he tucks some embarrassing mess farther under the bed with his foot. You know that amazingly weird position he pulled out of nowhere, but he was so enthusiastic about that it actually ended up working? His primary motivation wasn't your pleasure, it was keeping you distracted long enough to sweep some dust bunnies under his bed that he spotted mid-coitus. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you this.

3. When he glances at the clock. It happens, and rest assured that checking the time is a force of habit, it has no bearing on you or your performance. If anything, he's making sure he's stayed in it long enough to stop thinking about baseball and finally let himself orgasm.

4. When he holds in a fart. There's no other way to say it. Unless you are someone who is highly vocal in bed, there aren't many times he can really get away with letting one out, unless he starts screaming too. But that's much less acceptable.

5. When he zones out momentarily. You can zone out anywhere at any time. Hopefully you were too deeply embedded in the throes of passion to realise his eyes glossed over for a second while he daydreamed.

6. When he checks his phone. It's not like he'll pick it up to check Snapchat while you're going at it, but maybe he got an alert and curiosity got the better of him. Maybe he can't focus on sex because he's worried his mum texted him horrible news about Grandpa. Or maybe he's just nervous he's going to miss out on an amazing waiver wire pickup.

7. When he sweats profusely. Everyone sweats during sex (if you don't, you're probably doing it wrong). But if he sweats a lot ... like, "looks like he just jumped in a pool" a lot ... then he's really just hoping you sweat a ton too.

8. When he checks himself out in the mirror. The only reason this gets a bad rap is because this happens in American Psycho immediately before the chainsaw double-murder. I guess also because it's douchey.

9. When he fucks up putting on the condom. Don't worry, he's going to put on another, but snapping one of these around his member hurts and makes him look like an amateur. If his ego can recover from this, it's worth sticking around.

10. When some kind of weird moan noise escapes his mouth. He's in the middle of amazing sex, and all of the sudden he makes a noise like a purring cat crossed with a lawnmower breaking down but it's also sort of a high-pitched moan ... somehow all at once. It's like a "hughhhhmmmuhhhh...." and he's hoping you didn't hear that, because if you did, you'd never have sex with him again.

Here's how long sex should last for a lady's maximum enjoyment

Let's talk about sex, baby! (Because, really, what else did you come to Cosmo to talk about? Besides physics and the answer to world peace.)

Over at GQ they're trying to answer the question: How long should sex last? Especially for a woman's enjoyment? (They're doing the Lord's work.)

They point to a 2015 Journal of Sexual Medicine study that found the median length of intercourse was 5.4 minutes. So I guess that's that? Wrong! There's other research that found medians of up to 7.5 minutes according to Rachel Hills, author of The Sex Myth. (Unfortunately, both studies only looked at heterosexual couples, and so they're far from complete.)

It should be noted that the stats don't include foreplay, which as many (all?) people will tell you, is as crucial, if not more crucial, to sexual enjoyment. A 2004 study published in theJournal of Sex Research found that study participants enjoyed 11-13 minutes of foreplay followed by 7-8 minutes of intercourse. That's pretty good, but not as good as what the participants wanted: double the time for the sex! So, maybe it's that women want a good amount of foreplay and then an additional 14-16 minutes of doing the deed. Does that sound doable, people having sex with ladies? I think it does!

The answer to longer sex? Sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, says foreplay.

"I always encourage couples to engage in as much outercourse as possible before intercourse," he told SELF magazine. "The more outercourse you engage in, hopefully the higher your level of arousal and the closer you get to orgasm" before you move on to the main event, whatever your main event may be.

The article/common sense notes that the best way to have sex that lasts longer— and sex that's more enjoyable! Which is probably the most important thing! — is to get out of your head and just get into the moment with your partner.